Riley Finds out about Phineas and Ferb Live!!

Riley loves all things Disney! She loves Tinkerbell, and the Shake it Up girls, Good luck Charlie and most of all she LOVES Phineas and Ferb!
Here is Rye's reaction after I told her we will be going to see Phineas and Ferb the live show.

Click Here for video

JulesReveals: my beautiful Jewel...

I just wrote this poem a few nights ago, as I was watching my daughter sleep. This is the first poem I've written in a very, long time. My thoughts haven't been dormant, I just lost the will to jot them down. I guess you can say she's given me back my drive. I love you,

my beautiful Jewel...



what is it about you that makes me love you so much?

could it be your adorable cheeks?

your tiny feet?

or even the sound of your cry?



maybe it's your soft skin?

your smooth chin?

or your big, engaging eyes?



I think it's your whimsical senses?

your demand for attention?

or your calm sigh?



could be your bazaar hair?

your enchanting stare?

or you chunky thighs?



it's got to be your magnetizing laugh?

your love for your stuffed giraffe?

or your odd name, Rye?



how about your addicting smile,

your birthmark shaped like a reptile,

and that you are the perfect combination of he and I.

JulesReveals: inner child

I want to start with a poem I wrote when I was 16. I'd say the first 15 or so poems will be ones that were written when I was in high school. ..

I want to start with this one particular poem because it very personal and, in a way, introduces me - I was born in Ghana, came to the US at the tender age of 10 years old! In Ghana, I was very outspoken, outgoing, still shy, but I was a lively child and a very strong person. I was never afraid to speak my mind, always rose my hands in the classroom (very smart). I was the leader of the girls in my class, fought all our battle with the boys; you can I was very popular. In the middle of my 5 grade year (Class 5 in Ghana), I came to America to be with my mom and siblings (they were here long before I was). The move had an enormous impact on me; it stunted me. I wasn't the same Jules...

inner child.

i wanna know you again,

i wanna hear you scream and say what i can’t

i hate that you went away,

the month before april, before may,

that was the day



you are everything i am not,

everything i wish to be,

you say what i cannot,

what i really mean



i hate the change!

i wish i were you again!

i wish everything had stayed the same!



i hate that you left me alone,

now i feel like a clone,

trying so desperately to be you,

the original,

trying so hard to fill your shoes,

it’s unnatural



you left and took all my words with you,

took my courage and self esteem with you,

you stripped me of me,

took everything,

emptied me from start to finish,

and all you left was a blemish



Thank you for reading…



Happy Writing!

JulesReveals: locked up

This was a poem written by an overprotected girl dying to get out. It was also published when I was 16. Growing up, my mother was not as open-minded as she is today. She was inconsiderably overbearing. Forget hanging out with friends, we were lucky if we were allowed to go to the grocery store without her. This made it incredibly difficult for me to have any friends...let alone a boyfriend; I didn't have the normal teen experiences...

Locked Up



Why do I feel like a prisoner?

Did I commit a murder?

Am I ever gonna get out?

Did I break a law?

One that i don't know off?

If so what was it about?



Did I commit a robbery?

Are they sure it was me?

Did they know who were arresting?

Are they sure I'm the right person?



Was there a trial?

Was I at this trial?

Was there a jury?

Why did they all convict me?



How long am I going to serve?

Is this really what I deserve?

To be punished?

For a crime that was never accomplished?



For real though! What did I do all along?

And why don't I remember this wrong?

Why can't they forget and forgive?

and just let me live?



Why do they keep me locked up?

Why can't they just let me walk up the block?

WHEN ARE THEY GONNA LET ME OUT?

WHAT IS THIS ALL ABOUT?

JulesReveals: recovery

I wrote this next poem during my senior year of High School, in Study Hall. All my life I've felt trapped, Locked up. This was when I'd decided to do some growing up and figure out who I was, and what I wanted out of life. Every decision until that point had been made for me. I broke out; started with going to the college of my choice, against my mothers judgment.

recovery



now it's been 17 years

and I've had enough of this mess

I can't take it anymore

I'm closing the misery door



I know what I have to do now

I think I've known it all along

I just couldn't stature my wrongs

I just couldn't  figure out how



but now I'm there

what others thing, I don't care!

cuz I'm gone live for me!

no one can tell me anything!



I'm tired of laying low

and trying to satisfy everyone else

it's time for them to know

the gravy train is over, I'm gone only myself



from now on, it's gone be my way

no matter what they say

I'm living for me

and now, I'm gone be happy

JulesReveals: finding me

I wrote this poem one day after watching "Finding Nemo". It was during the first year on my own. I had a decent job, paying rent, and going to school. I was living my life on my terms and making my own decisions. It was liberating, and watching the Disney movie reminded me of all I'd been through to get where I was.

finding me 

From fighting sharks

to being torn apart

seeking clues

deep down in the big blue

the search for escape

to speaking whale

being swallowed

to the sea turtle follow

bumping stinging jellyfishes

to being grilled my imitating fishes

through the kicking, the screaming

the running, the bleeding

the anticipation, the fear

the thrill of being near

the cries, the worry

the loses, the glory

the singing, the laughter

the many more after

Dori and Marlin found Nemo

i found Juliet O.

Goodbye tampons, hello DivaCup!

On a very lonely night a couple of weeks ago, I was feeling ultra aroused but my favorite aunt, Flo was in town. Hubby was away for work that night so I really just wanted to take care of myself (hehe). I was surfing the net seeking advice on whether it was safe to do so, with my monthly visitor and came across something called softcups. Now, I had never heard of menstrual cups before this occurrence so this discovery piqued my interest. I went to the wonderful world of YouTube where apparently menstrual cups are the shit. I viewed several reviews on sofcups but the thing seemed so flimsy and just did not look secure. The reviews were mostly discouraging. I think there was only one video review with success. While I was looking for softcup reviews, I kept seeing DivaCup everywhere!! So I finally watched a video on The DivaCup, then two videos, then three; before I knew it, I had spent about 3 hours on YouTube watching DivaCup videos and reading countless reviews online. My period was ending so I decided to take the time until my next period to decided whether I wanted to try it out. Well, it didn't take me that long :) I ordered my DivaCup the very next day! What had me sold was it's cost-effectiveness. No more buying tampons and pads every other month. All I need is one DivaCup! They suggest changing it every year but some people use menstrual cups for 10 years or more. I think as long as you take good care of it, there's no need to replace it each year. Well, at least I don't plan to if its in perfect condition. The second selling point was that it's a green product. One less product to keep out of landfills, and thirdly, I love that it's cleaner and I don't have to be bothered with counting hours to change a tampon.

What is the DicaCup?

DivaCup is a mentrual cup that offers a safer alternative to pads and tampons. It is a small silicone, cone-shaped cup that is inserted into the vagina. It sits low in the vagina and collects mentrual blood.
The DivaCup does not contain latex, BPA or plastic; nor does it have any colors, dyes, or additives. It can be worn for up to 12 HOURS!!!! Yes!!

The cup come in 2 sizes. Size 1 is worn by teens and women under 30 who have not had any children, and size 2 is worn by women who have a children (vaginal or cesarean births) or over 30. The DivaCup website states that the difference between the two sizes is very small, but you must wear the recommended size in order for it to work properly.

How to use it:

My first experience!

Getting it in there is very easy but securing it can be tricky. Now almost all the reviews warn that there is a learning curve to using this. When I got my DivaCup a few days later, I wanted to try it and see how it felt so I played with it. Before my next mentrual cycle, I sort of practiced, I guess, putting it in and taking it out. When I finally got to try it out for real, I was a bit disappointed that I didn't get it on the first try. The first month of me using it did not go as I hoped. I had some leaks, not major just minor leaks that panty liner can handle. Most people took about two months to get the hang of it. That is fine by me, hell take 5 months, even if I have these little leaks forever, I will stand by my DivaCup! I am not at all discouraged though. I freaking love this thing. I hope it doesn't come to that. I will try inserting different ways to find what works for me. I hate tampons and I hate pads. They make me feel so dirty. The thought of sitting in dried blood makes me cringe. And even worse, having dried, soaked up blood just chilling in my vagina for 4-5 hrs is even more unpleasant. The bacteria, the risk of TSS, ohhhhh the grossness!! So either way I m so incredibly happy to have found the DivaCup.

I purchased my DivaCup on amazon, but it is sold at Whole Foods Markets. It costs between $21-$25.

Back Again.

So many changes have occurred since my last post and that's the reason I've been away for a bit. Actually just one change but it's a big change that seems like more. We moved! We moved from NY to CT. Since I haven't been working, we had to make some changes and moving out of NY seemed like what we needed. I love NY! But I love my baby girl more. I'm not ready to go back to work yet and I am not going to force myself to do so. Hence our migration to CT. We save a lot on our major bills ( rent, insurance, etc.). It's not too bad. Rohan is actually home more, oddly. He passes through CT quite often on his runs and stops home almost every night now. It's pretty awesome! It's also great because Rye gets to be with her grandma all the time. She loves that!

Payday Scam?!!

A couple of weeks ago, Rohan and I hit a financial snag and needed some emergency cash FAST! Breaking our savings is NEVER an option, so after a long thought, we decided to apply for a Payday loan. I know, I know...well we did but thought again, and cancelled it right away. Their interest rates are ridiculous! It was something like 608%! I'm pretty sure that isn't legal. Anyway, we cancelled it, thought No harm, no foul right? WRONG! They charged our account a $30 fee just for filling out an application, then today, I get a call from an attorney claiming that a suit has been filed against my husband's name and SS# by the lender for non-payment of the loan that was deposited in our account. I got so scared! I didn't know what to do. Then I decided to do some research, so I called the loan company, and they said they did not file this suit. I called the attorney back and he claimed that I must have called the wrong company and that this could be a case of ID fraud- someone else took out a loan with my husband's info and now we have to pay it back. He told me to make sure that my husband will be at our home address because detectives from our county will be coming to arrest him in 24 hours. I hung up the phone and tried to find out more information and I visited this website 800Notes.com. Apparently, this is very common when you apply for payday loans. These scam artists somehow get a hold of your information and try to extort as much money as they can from you. They all have thick foreign accents that you can barely understand and tell you some pretty serious crimes you've apparently committed. Rohan had supposedly violated some federal banking laws and committed check fraud. That last thing I did was call this scam artist again and got his bar number. I looked him up on the Florida Bar Association website and of course NOTHING! I called him, yet again, and gave him quite a piece of my mind. People work so hard for their money and these scumbags do anything they can to come take it from you. It's disgusting! Applying for a payday is very dangerous. I don't doubt one bit that these payday loan companies sell your personal information to these people. Never AGAIN!

Here is the scumbags' info:

Lender: Lendnet 101- Funding Guarantee
Phone #: 888-507-1740

Attorney: Sean White- US Legal Services
State Investigation Department - Jacksonville, FL
Bar # : 45389
Phone #: 904-900-8341

The Kiss

Boy: I want to kiss you. Can I?

Girl: If I say no, would that stop you?

Boy: From wanting to? No...

Girl: Buuuuuuutttttt...

Boy: ...but I'll try to control myself.

Girl: Huh!

Boy: So... can I?

Girl: This is the first time we've hung out. How do you know that if you kiss me, I won't turn into some psycho who becomes attached and expects more?

Boy: I don't. What I do know  is that I'm some psycho who really, really wants to kiss you.

Girl: Okay, what if...

[KISS]

Girl: I have to go!

Boy: What? Why? Are you telling me that I'm the only one who felt that?

Girl: Felt what? Like you just dies, but only for a minute? Like your entire body just floated above the earth? Like the most incredible electric shock just ran through you? Cause guess what! I have been feeling that since the first time we touched. I HAVE TO GO!

The Kiss
By: LeeAnn Alexander

I will always love you Ernest "Paa-Kwasi" Owusu-Ansah.

I have been seeing a therapist for about 7 months now and I have to say that without therapy, I would be a mess! I used to be embarrassed that I needed a therapist, mostly because it's not easy for me to ask for help. I hate it! I ultimately decided to get over myself and see someone for Riley's sake. I know I'm a wonderful mother, but I want to be the best I can be. I don't think that would be possible if I didn't feel my best. I mean how can I raise her to be a certain kind of person, when I don't even know who I am. I have to say I have come a long way in the last 7 months. Growing up, I had massive insecurity issues and no matter what I did, I just could not overcome them. I had always depended on others for my happiness and that led me to the a deep depression. I wasn't raised like your typical teenager. My mother was over-protective and shielded us from everything she possible could. This bruised us miserably, but she was never around to see that. I did a great deal of sneaking around and glad I did because if I hadn't I would have no idea what the world was really like. I had to find out the hard way, but I am all for experiencing to learn.

Even so, I still wouldn't change a thing about my past. I love the person I am today and my beloved brother, Ernest has a lot to do with that. Ernest committed suicide on May 24 and since that day, I have not been the same. Our family was beyond shocked. No one saw it coming and it made me realize a lot of things.

Most importantly...

1. That life is way too short to live in the past - I am learning slowly, but letting go has always been a challenge of mine. The past has always haunted me and I don't want that anymore. I am doing what I need to do you close any open chapters in my past and conclude any unfinished business I have.

2. That you cannot stress the little things- There are way more important things in life. Worrying whether your boyfriend is cheating, whether people like you, whether someone is talking shit about you, what anyone thinks of you (which seemed to have consumed my life before) is not important. What matters is what I think of myself and the rest just doesn't matter.

3. Ernest was secretly my best friend - my brother never liked to show his vulnerable side. If he was worried about something, no one would ever know. I guess that should've alarmed us. He was always smiling, happy or not.

Dangerously happy is what I call it now. He wanted everyone to think he was "hard", hood, gangster. I loved him more than he ever knew. Growing up, I desperately sought his approval...with everything. He was the only person I could relate to in my family. He knew more about me, growing up, than anyone else in my family. We had our moments, but I know he loved me, all of us. The only boy of my mother's 6 children. He was our commander, even when he moved some 8 hours away, to Lynchburg, VA. He was still the chief of this family. He protected us in a way that never made sense to anyone but him. He would have it otherwise, but still, we were very aware of the magnitude of his love.


 I will always love you Ernest "Paa-Kwasi" Owusu-Ansah. 

June 20, 1982 - May 24, 2011
Gone but never forgotten
May your soul rest in perfect peace.

Baby's First Holloween Re-Post 11.1.11

Halloween 2010 was Riley's first Halloween, but last year she was much too young to be dressed up and taken out. This year, my baby doll was an adorable Tinkerbell! I found this costume on Amazon.com

My sister-in-law's mother had a Halloween party of the kids the Saturday before the holiday and I decided to take Riley. I ordered this costume Wednesday of that week and paid 2-day shipping, only to receive the bloody costume Friday afternoon with NO WINGS! What is a fairy costume without wings. I contacted the seller but did not hear back in time, so consequently, I planned on returning the costume and just getting something from Party City. Let me just tell you how insane it was inside the store. You had to stand in line to look at the available costumes and choose, then stand in another line to get your costume, then another massive line to checkout!.I was livid! So I just decided to purchase some small angel wings and make that work. It was a bit awkward because the original Tinkerbell wings for this costume is velcro, but the angel wings I got had elastic bands that go around the arms. My munchkin looked darling! 

I was a chick from the 80's :) I found everything in my closet except the shirt, so I thought, hey 80's it is!

Android Blogger App Fail

So I made a couple of posts last week via my android Blogger App and they have been "publishing" for over a week now. Sigh... I have no idea why it is doing that, but I can't even view the posts on my phone while they're publishing. I guess I'm gonna have to attempt to re-post. Hope I remember everything!

Riley's First Steps

The most incredible thing just happened and  I had to come share! My baby just took her very first steps! I thought she was never gonna walk. The best part is how exciting it is for her. Every time she gets up to walk, her face lights up- it's as if she can't believe she's doing it. She just got up and took about 4 steps! Yesterday was her 13 month birthday and ironically, my mom told me that I walked exactly the date of my 13 month birthday. Like mother, like daughter?? Never been more true. She's a late bloomer just like me. She didn't crawl until she was 9 months, me 8 months, she didn't her her first tooth until she was 11 months, me first birthday. I started reading booked at 4 years old and fingers crossed that she takes after me with the brains too :)

It's been a while huh?

It has been forever since my last post and that is horrible on my part. I have had a difficult year- I lost my brother back in May and spent some time with my family in Connecticut. As you can imagine, Riley has grown since then.. haha. I will make a picture post soon. I wish I had been blogging, but I sort of went into hibernation after my brother's death. I think I'm ready to rejoin the world. It may be a slow process but one in progress, nonetheless. Feels good to be back. Sigh!